I’m in college but I’m not writing anymore—seems a little backward. I haven’t opened my journal in the state of Connecticut yet because I think I’m a little too scared to bother thinking all this through.
I’ve been waiting for that ever so important ceremony in June to finally “hit me,” then for leaving home to “hit me.” Still waiting. Maybe I’m just not letting it.
On the bright side, I’ve been singing.
"I’ve wondered why it took us so long to catch on. We saw it and yet we didn’t see it. Or rather we were trained not to see it. Conned, perhaps, into thinking that the real action was metropolitan and all this was just boring hinterland. It was a puzzling thing. The truth knocks on the door and you say, “Go away, I’m looking for the truth,” so it goes away. Puzzling."
Robert M. Pirsig - Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance
She just let go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
- Rev. Safire Rose
RIP Maurice Sendak
“I refuse to lie to children… I refuse to cater to the bullshit of innocence.”
"But it’s the truth, even if it didn’t happen."
Ken Kesey - One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest
remembering to think
i used to be too busy to think, too shy to write, too numb to feel.
my life was stuck; inevitably measured and constrained by clocks, and arranged by the order of events through which i navigated my days. Each day, minute and hour only added up to later.
From today, I will remember the shade and the itchy grass, my freshman letter-to-self, my boyfriends pillowcase, the smell of morning along the creek. I already can’t remember my ap calc test, and i don’t want to.
I hope I keep remembering to live like this.